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I haven't been writing in my blog because originally this blog was suppose to be about my weight loss journey. I am completely lost. I know how to do it and I have done it before. But I just can't do it. I am ashamed and that is why I haven't been writing at all. Now I am psyching myself up to begin again on sunday. I need to take care of myself. My clothes don't fit.
A friend of mine suggested I look into myself and find out what is going on in my life that is preventing me to take care of me. Is it stress? no, nothing at all. All is good in my life. I have started to wonder if it is because I cannot accept happiness? If I am deliberatly sabotaging myself. I don't think so.

Is it because I am lazy? Is it easier to not count calories and eat whatever I like?
I am sooooo tired of this cycle. I follow alot of successful loser. I also follow alot of not so succesfull loser. Some, that like me, lost a very good amount of weight, only to regain it all slowly. I have lost this weight 4 times so far. I have regained it 4 times. I believe my brain is saying: what's the point? At the same time, I don't want to die young. I have lots to live for.
I see my mother that got so scared when she had to start taking "sugar" pills that she lost 30 pounds. Now her blood pressure is in check and she will be able to stop taking them very soon. Her dose is half right now and she is being monitored to have them remove completely in the next month. Same thing with her sugar. As soon as she loses enough weight, she will be off them as well.
there is the proof, if you do what is right, you can get off the meds.
I want to be off the meds. I want to be healthy.

It is not even a question of being model thin, I have been aware for many years now that I will never be model thin. I want to be lighter. I would be happy with a size 14. I want to lose my fat belly, I look like I am 9 month pregnant. Not good.
So, tomorrow is a big party that we have to go to and then sunday, I start again.
And too bad if it is the same stuff that I talk about here. After all, this blog has always been for me. Since I am putting myself first, I need to write to keep my sane mind and that is what I am going to write.
1 pound a week if I have to. I will get there.

gardening

We have been working hard for more then a week now. But the results are starting to show.


We did two borders in the front and one in the back. The one in the back is the first one ever that we follow a "plan" from a magazine. It is all made up of indigenous plants. It is going to take a few years before all the plants grow in to fill their space but I can't wait to see it as a finished product.

Even tough I planted dahlias, my mother couldn't wait when she saw some at the garden store. So we have a red one and a pink one. They are gorgeous.




The pile of wood from the old deck is almost all cut up. Then we can start a new island there. And I will get my fountain. We still have to decide on the style. Plenty of time.

I am back on track with my food. My cold is almost over. It was so bad that it cut my appetite. So it gave me a good start. It has been 3 days under 1800 calories. Here's to 1000 more.

Pomegranate juice from Pom

I just got some coupons to try the pomegranate juice from Pom. I really like it. It is a bit tart and you can really taste the fruit.
Plus it is full of antioxidants.
I will try and drink one glass every day.
I love the bottles to.
And, they have a very good recipe to make a . pomtini

I am very happy that I got those coupons. Thank you.

gardening

We are working very hard in the yard ( rhyme!!!) and it is starting to show. I will post pictures very soon.
We have adopted the square gardening techniques this summer. And we created two flower bed in the front.
There is a giant silver maple, beautiful, beautiful tree. It is very old and so it is big. It gives out a lot of shadow. The people that were here before us didn't do anything with the lawn. They just let it be. So we are trying to take care of it.
We made two flower beds and we seeded lawn again. I know from experience that in 2 or 3 years we will see a lawn that is healthier and greener. Fuller to.
I love spring. Very expensive but it is so beautiful. We are surrounded by garden store and they are all full of wonderful idea.
And we found a peach tree!!!! I am so excited. Nothing beats a fresh peach. Can't wait.
Ok, we are off to go see Up, in 3 D. wouhou!!!!

I have absolutely no motivation

Nothing, zip, nada. I don't know what to use as a goal. I can't even stay under my calories for the day for one day!!!

My mother is losing steadely. She started to take pills to control her sugar and that seemed to have whipped her in the right direction. I will try again. I have to. I am trying to build the momentum. I read plenty of success stories. I read on motivation. I read on addiction. I would really like to be under the 200 pounds mark. That is 55 pounds to go there. Arggggg.
My clothes don't fit anymore. I am too tight in everything. My lovey loves me more every day.

I know: just do it.

I don't love myself right now. Not at all.

Expedia !!!

Well this is a rant, beware.
When we went to Copenhagen, we made our reservations trough Expedia.ca. We found out that if we had made the room reservation on our own, we would have saved 175$ per room. A deal? Expedia is not. When I wrote to Expedia to inquire about the difference in price, I was told that it was the way it was. Hotel can change their prices anytime and I had agreed to the price of the room when making the reservation. So too bad for me.
So people, be aware, shop around and do not use Expedia. We will never use it again.

we are back

What a beautiful trip this was. Copenhagen is an amazing city where the people are beautiful and very friendly. They ride everywhere by bike and they leave their bikes unlock in the special parking.

We also visited Malmo and Lund in Sweden. It was a short one day tour but it was so worth it. The only day that it rained. So the tour on the canal was a very wet tour and when we got back to the bus our fingers were completely frozen.

I would do that trip anytime again if we had the money.
The food and everything in Denmark is very expensive. An average meal in the restaurant is 30$ per person. We went to a grocery store and bought peaches ( 5 for 5$) a pint of blueberries ( 5$), some bread 4$ and some water ( 2 liters for 5$). Yet all the young people are eating in restaurant. I really don't know how they can afford it. There are Mercedes benz, Alfa Romeo and Peugeot luxury cars everywhere.
We visited alot of places ( using guided tours is the best way to see the most place possible).

When we went to visit the Guiness record museum ( a must in any city... ;) ) we left the hotel and it was around 16 C but when we got out of the museum the temperature had dropped to 8C. We had to find a vest for the Gagoo. What we didn't know was that we were in the very, very, very expensive shopping district of Copenhagen. So we ended up buying her a regular looking shirt for 70$!!! We never spend that kind of money on clothes for her. That is against all my principles. But vacation calls for unexpected spending. So I will probably frame this vest. :)